Skip to main content

Little Dreamer

What's in a dream? For much of my life, I couldn't really tell you because I very, very, rarely ever remembered them. However, recently, that seems to be changing and I find that, plus some of the contents, really quite interesting.

So, I'm not really sure if this is a function of progesterone kicking in, as many have said that they get more vivid dreams on it, or if this is just the pandemic finally reaching through my subconcious. One thing I find deeply interesting is that I always dream of the real me.

I've had a solid handful or more of dreams that have seemingly taken place as far back as early high school and as recent as here and now. In high school, I was definitely not out, but yet in my dreams I am happily in transition and seen by those around me as just another high school girl.

Not all of the dreams have been pleasant, to be honest, but none of the unpleasantness is specifically about me. In the context of me, I am internally happy and progressing on my transition. They are also connected to people and places in my past, but not to situations that actually happened.

I wonder, though, if my brain is doing some rewriting of my perception of my past self. I've mentioned before that I don't really look at old pictures, I'm not connecting much to that person in the image, and I think that may be what is happening more deeply. I honestly find it hard to remember what it felt like pre-HRT and that was a little more than a year ago!

I don't know, is this just me? Do other trans people go through the same thing? I'm okay with it, I just didn't expect it.

Speaking of the past, I have previously spoke and written about asking for a stuffed pink bunny when I was around seven. Turns out that I've had an affinity for them from an even younger age:

Got to love that decor from the 60's no? Those fabric prints are going to feature in my dreams at some point I'm sure!


Comments

While you're here, you might like:

I identify as... Stop! It's what I am.

The expression "identifies as" gets used a lot when talking about trans and non-binary people. It's also used by a lot of bigots to denigrate the trans experience. It's an expression that I would like to see fade away.

With allies like these...

It is often revealing to watch the ebb and flow of Twitter, you can learn a lot about the ugly side of humanity on the site as bigotry runs rampant, but you can also see the many allies that are stepping up. However, there are some disconcerting trends with allies too...

Gender Questing

I want to talk about gender questing as a bit of a follow-on from my recent post about using "identifies as" with respect to gender.