Being Me

This Christmas is especially special to me, my first as Joanne (Auntie Jo), and it was everything that I could hope for under the circumstances.

Speaking of big steps, now with some big news to share! Specifically around my plans for my full public transition and I am super excited!

A beautiful mutual on Twitter tweeted yesterday that she keeps taking accidental big steps and it made me realize that this is true of myself as well. Turns out, for me, that it's more than okay.

The process of coming out, as it were, is an interesting and scary one. I've started that process and, despite all my anxieties, it has been a wonderful experience so far. The really important ones also all happened in a span of a week!

I seem to be in this grey zone where I am poised to make public my gender, yet it feels far away, and so much keeps coming up, in front of me, that makes me want to shout it out.

A down, and then up, emotional week for me. It started a bit rough, but then I think went really positive the rest of the week.

As a part of my journey I have been slowly, but surely, cleaning up, boxing up, and otherwise putting away parts of my past. I did a bit more today, but there's a twist to it.

  So, Twitter posted a trans supportive message the other day and it is getting dragged pretty heavily. It should be, they should be embarrassed to post that.

  A couple of discussions popped up on Twitter today with respect to hormones, but one in particular caught my attention as it highlights the value.

It was a very wild ride this week, we all awaited the results of the US election, no matter if we are American or not. For better or worse, the outcome of these elections have impact far beyond the borders of the United States.

Halloween feels very different to me this year and it's not because the pandemic has curtailed much of the celebration of it. No, it's way deeper than that.

There is definitely a certain truth to the notion that the little things in life can mean a great deal in the moment.

  So this week had a few other types of medical appointments and each, of course, will lead to a conversation that I have, in all honesty, been waiting to have.

  Today is "National Coming Out Day" to support LGBTQ+ people in coming out of the closet and celebrating their true selves with friends and family. It is the ideal, that it is a celebration, but that this day exists says we have much to do still.

  A quiet autumn afternoon is a fine time to break out my Cricut, Easy Press, and make a couple of t-shirts and contemplate life a little.

I hit a major milestone this week, one that isn't specifically about my transition, but is definitely related to it and I am super excited because of it! Enough that I won't drink to it...

  I am 52 years old and a question that arises with respect to my transition is: why now?

  The other day, the question got asked on Twitter: " Did anyone else find the Monty Python's Lumberjack song..... problematic?" The question got me thinking about media, trans representation, and what it was like as a child of the 70s and being trans.

So, there is a lot of information out there about HRT, but most of it is quite clinical and deals with subjects like dosage amounts, expected effects, and rough timelines... then there is what you didn't really know and wished someone told you.

Getting in touch with your thoughts, your emotions, and even your fears is, I think, a really important part of your transition. More importantly, as I am coming to realize, recording them is even more valuable.

suffix: -phobia extreme or irrational fear or dislike of a specified thing or group.

HRT can do many wondrous things for me, from helping to shape the body I want, to helping me feel at peace with myself. Unfortunately, it cannot change my voice...

I am about to start month 2 of my HRT journey and now is as good a time as any to describe what I have seen, felt, and experienced in that first month and what I am thinking about as I head into my second month.

Was thinking about social media today... notably Twitter and how it amplifies certain voices well beyond their true reach.

Want to know something weird? I've had the song, Turn the Page, by Bob Seger stuck in my head all week.

There wasn't a drum roll or a town crier making an announcement, but today was a mighty big day for me...

It's Pride today.

So Adidas has these super cute Transgender Pride sneakers that I just had to get...

What a busy, busy day today! So, got into the clinic today to get the blood work done in prep for HRT and it turned into a bit of an adventure...

So, fears for nothing, my phone meeting with my new doctor was amazingly positive!

I was looking forward to tomorrow, finally my first appointment to see a doctor to discuss HRT and, well, it's by phone. 😞

In one short month I will be seeing a doctor, for the first time, to discuss HRT options. What a journey to get to this point and, yes, I am nervous.

Who do you see in the mirror? Who do you want to see?

I took a trip down memory lane yesterday and it's rather surprising what pops to the surface over that time...

Last week I commented that I wasn't really feeling much in the way of personal anxiety with respect to the virus outbreak, but it turns out that my dreams may be telling me something...

Dance like nobody is watching... That's basically advice around what may be your comfort zone and anxiety talking, so how do you dance like nobody is watching when they are, in fact, watching?

So today is #TransInFashion day on Twitter. What is it? It's an idea cooked up by Dr. Emmy Zje as a way to help us all combat the blahs from being inside and to give us a reason to jazz it up a bit.

So, I'm not yet at a stage where I'm going to go to work, virtually or otherwise, with a beautiful gel manicure. Hopefully not all that far away, but not today. So, is there an option for me in the meanwhile?

I finally managed to get a Doctor's appointment to discuss HRT: three months from now! 😳

Gloria Gaynor washing her hands to "I will Survive" just popped up on Twitter yesterday and I was reminded again just how much I love her voice and this song.

So, today was my second visit to see my therapist and I still wasn't sure what to expect. However, what I didn't feel was anxious.

I emotion bottle way more than I thought I did and it seems to be more obvious to me these days than it ever used to be.

I sometimes sit and wonder where life's journey has taken me and where it might be taking me next.

On Sunday, I hit the send button on an email that I've waited my whole life to send. It was scary, but important, but not yet the really big email, just the first step.

Sometimes the best way to address your doubts and fears to get back on the horse and try again. So I did. 😍

Doubts, fears, concerns, worries... we all have them. Sometimes they paralyze you, sometimes they don't. Today, I let them stop me. 😥