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Sometimes I'm so angry

I emotion bottle way more than I thought I did and it seems to be more obvious to me these days than it ever used to be.

I have a philosophy about work that you need to find a reason, every day, to laugh while you are there. If you can't why are you there? I think, though, that this masks a deeper need for me.

Being at the office feels like I'm stepping out of time and space for a while. Being busy, being focused on my team and what is happening with them distracts me from my internal struggles. However, I don't think I really let it go, I just hold it for later.

When I get angry, it's usually as a result of something I see or hear about. It could be another news article that shows people vilifying us, or governments being needlessly cruel, or just a really bad driver on the road. Whatever it may be, there is always a trigger and then I get angry. It's an internalized anger and it hurts. It's like the day of being forced to maintain a facade comes undone and I have to channel it in some way. Sometimes that's being a little more curt in my responses to things on Twitter or Facebook, sometimes it's just writing it down on my computer and then letting it go.

Still, I feel like it's happening more and more. I really would like to stop hurting.

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