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Dreams

Last week I commented that I wasn't really feeling much in the way of personal anxiety with respect to the virus outbreak, but it turns out that my dreams may be telling me something...

So, I had my fifth session with my therapist today and we talked a little bit about last week and anxiety. I commented that I had a couple of dreams last night with restless sleep.

I'm not really good a remembering dreams, but one of them stood out because I dreamed that the distancing requirements kept continuing to the point that my appointment to discuss HRT with a doctor moved. Then it moved and I got sick, as in really sick, well before I could start HRT. That's a scary thought, it made me anxious all over again.

I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, the only person to have made significant, life changing, plans for this spring and summer that now feel threatened, but that's starting to be how it feels. Will it just be a delay, then all as planned? Will I get sick and will I make it to get to HRT? Will the appointment happen as planned and all is well? There are plenty of scenarios winding through my thoughts.

In other words, I don't know and now I am anxious about it.

Today is also the Trans Day of Visibility. I'm partially out, maybe hidden by a translucent curtain rather than a closet door, but not fully out. I'm an egg that has started to crack the shell. However, today is a day a lot of my sisters and brothers, and those in between, finally tell the world. Hopefully for all of them, it was an amazingly affirming and loving event. I'm not naive, but I can hope. So, if you want to be visible, want to connect, here's a Twitter thread:

Comments

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I dropped my links page

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Emotional crashing

I experienced an incredibly strong emotional response today and I am left trying to really understand the origin of it... sharing it helps me think about it.

Yes, I'm envious...

This is the Alice Cos Group , a dance group from China that features only males in their cast. They are all, to put it mildly, simply gorgeous and dammit, I'm just a little jealous! Admittedly, at my current age (let's just say that I go back a few decades and leave it at that) there is zero chance that I would ever be able to pull off the look even remotely as well as they can, but hey, a gal can dream! I'm also really jealous that they actually live a life practically straight out of a Fictionmania story; I would have leapt at such a chance at that age. Ah well, such is the dice of life. Anyways, a sample of their work: