There is something to be said for an unexpected cry that you had no idea you really needed, but actually did. It's deeply healing and something that was absent from my life before.
I have noted in the past that, since starting HRT, I cry more but that I also laugh more. Essentially I feel like I have been so much more deeply in tune with my emotional state than ever before. What I didn't know, and I don't think you ever really see these coming, is that there can be deeply buried feelings that well up and letting them forth can be important.
So, this comic I saw is not new, it's a few years old now, but this is the first time I have read it. I will give you an appropriate content warning: it is beautiful and it will tug at your heart deeply. It is called énouement (it's in English, I promise) and I really advise not reading it before anything important.
As I told my mom after I had shared it: that comic tore out my heart, showed it to me and shouted, "See! see!" and then put it back and said, "Now heal!" I cried for half an hour and I'm still fighting back tears.
If I had read this when it came out, I'm sure it would have shattered my egg in the moment. It was everything me in the essence, and even in some of the details!
There was clearly an element of my transition, now and at my age, that I was still coming to terms with emotionally. I wasn't articulating it, but it was there. Lurking. I am really glad this brought this out of me and allowed me to see it. I have lamented starting so late and yet all that has gone before has gone into shaping me today, the person who I am, and I find as I write this that I do, in fact, love the person that I have become. 💜
I found crying is not the only thing I notice which is often regulate as a female thing. Things that never used to bother me, now gross me out "oooooo."
ReplyDelete