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When I was no longer transitioning

I was in a great discussion today, with some trans friends at work, when I started describing the moment where I went from "I am transitioning" to "I have transitioned" in my mind and it's not when you would think!

Everybody who transitions has their own journey to make and so may find themselves always transitioning or they may find themselves coming to a place where they feel they are there. So, for those not inside my head, I am sure the perspective of my GCS being the "she has transitioned" point might how they see it, but it's surprisingly not. I think I was already there before I had GCS.

I think for me, it was when I realized that my past no longer caused me pain and anxiety. When I could look at old pictures of myself and not feel ashamed of that, then I think I knew I was there in my womanhood. No woman shares the exact same path to their womanhood with any other woman, we all find ourselves in uniquely different ways even if there are many overlapping experiences. So too is it for trans women, my path to womanhood may be less common than our cisters, but it's my path and it's a path that has shaped me as a person.

It was then when I came to realize that I was no longer in transition, it was that I had transitioned. This is not to say that there wan't things that I wanted to do to feel better about my body, but that feeling of need is not even remotely a unique trans experience. Even bottom surgery isn't uniquely ours! 

I think it was my reaching that point that I finally allowed me to realize how important GCS was to me. It was something I always knew I wanted, but it became a priority for me after that point and I think that's an important thing to understand. GCS is not required to be an end goal of transition, many trans women will transition and feel they are whole in their space without that. 

Similarly, I will very likely do a breast augmentation in the next half year or so. Not because I am dysphoric about it, but because like many women, I would be happier with a little more. Bikini shopping really did put me into my feels from a body image perspective. This is definitely not a trans thing, that industry doesn't exist for our benefit, and I really don't feel that my desire is rooted in my transness.

Anyways, just talking about this today was a positive thing. Speaking of positive things, this affirmation by Raquel Willis is everything:


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