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So that was 2020

So, what a very strange year that was...

I started 2020 pretty much the same way I started most years since graduating from College and working for a living. A nice little vacation in Mexico to get some vitamin D for the winter months and then back home to the usual daily routine... 

Well, that didn't last long!

First, a good friend came out as trans and publicly transitioned, an event that threw my gender dysphoria into very high gear. So much so that it wasn't long before I was seeing a therapist and getting myself into the right head space for my own transition. I think the realization that I could, coupled with support of my partner, created the right motivation for me to act.

Then COVID really landed and we all scattered to the four winds. Despite the challenges and fears, working from home has proven to be a blessing for me as it has given me the time I have needed to come to terms with my journey and to embrace where I was headed. The downside of COVID is pretty obvious for all of us, but I can't deny that the circumstances that it placed us in has definitely created the time and space I needed for my personal journey.

By mid-year I was meeting with a Doctor for the first time in a lot of years and that was when I started HRT and really began my transition. That's not to discount the 4 months of time with my therapist, but I feel like the pivot point for me was July when I took that first dose of Estradiol. It was pretty obvious, very quickly, that this was very right for me, until then it was speculation.

In August I confronted another source of dysphoria: my voice. I have always hated my voice, from the day it changed, and so I started speech therapy to help me towards gaining a voice I could like. It's still a work in progress, but my sessions every week has been a continuous highlight for me and I expect to keep going for a while yet.

The Fall kind of flew by as I settled into building a new me. My Estradiol doses got stronger and things started to, um, develop. Happy developments, to be quite honest, but a bit faster than I, or my Doctor, was expecting. That led me to deciding it was time to come out and just start living my life as me. Family first, immediate family anyways, and then I started the work processes and got to meet two great people along the way. Now it all comes to fruition in less than two weeks, where I will be fully and completely out, and my life can move on.

So, when I look back on 2020, it's a bit weird. For me, despite the pandemic, it's been a "pinch me, I must be dreaming" kind of journey. I had no idea, when this year started, that I would be where I am today. I was still floating along with my head in a cloud, induced by a nightly haze of alcohol, and I didn't see all of this coming. Not sure what 2021 is going to bring, but I leave 2020 in a much better place than I was in when I entered it and, for that alone, I will be one of those who will look back on it with fondness. 

Weird, huh?

Happy New Year!


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