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Sometimes I feel like giving up

I'm not going to give up, but it feels like such an uphill battle to get anyone in my life to actually pay attention.

I always know who is going to respond, who is going to say something, when there is content that I post about the situation facing trans people today. I know that they care. Outside of that small group? I just don't know anymore.

A lot of people tell me that they support me, but do they? Are they doing the work that needs to be done? I don't see it from most. I recognize that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, but here's the deal: I can't rely on invisible support. The rising tide of hate that is threatening to engulf my community in the US and UK isn't absent here, far from it, and there are politicians already lining up to tap into that.

Who is writing letters? Calling out bigotry in the media with the media? Who has contacted their MP or MPP? I have done all of these things because I must. I would love to see that from others. So many people call me brave but do nothing to create a world where I don't have to be. Yeah, I am calling some people out here, I have to. I have to do it now. Should I wait until it looks like Florida here? I need those who call themselves allies to be uncomfortable about this. My community will pay the price for this apathy.

Not lost on me that I also have "Fuck Trudeau" family members with no actual grounded critique, just that they hate him for his name, who are likely to help put a white supremacist misogynist into the Prime Minister's seat. They don't even have a clue, they reshare content from hate groups and incels and then tell me that they are happy for me. I don't like being gaslit, you can't like them and care for me, it's a mutually exclusive situation. Even if you think you care for me personally, your support for these people means you're harming my community and that means you're harming me.

I try, though, I really do. I try very hard to help people see and I get nowhere. It's frustrating. There's no part of me that regrets my transition, but I wish deeply that I could just live inside that happines, but I cannot. 

So, sometimes, I feel like just giving up trying. Maybe, if I do, you can feel sad, I guess, when they come for me.

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