I cannot

Twice, today, I broke down sobbing.

The first was after I watched a video from Rowan Jetté Knox that had devastating news in it, a sign of things to come as bigots step up their attacks on trans youth. 14 years old. Bullied. He couldn't take it any longer. It shattered me.

The second was after reading yet another news article about conservatives pushing school regulations to out vulnerable trans children to their families. This time in Alberta. I so truly, truly, hate conervatives and their supporters. It's a white heat right now.

All of this is just coming to a head inside of me. Hateful marches in our streets. Hateful politicians in the halls of power. Hateful media online and in print. So much hate. So much. Too much. Aimed at people who just want to be happy, to be comfortable in their own bodies. We're hated for that. So many lies told about us. So much vitriol aimed at us. It is so much, it is too much.

And where is my family? My closest is there with me, but what about the rest of them? The ones that say, "I love you" and then do nothing, showing that they do not. Where are they? I am so deeply grateful for the ones truly beside me, but it is the ones who really don't care that hurt so much. The indifference is cutting me very deeply.

So, I cannot.

I deactivated Facebook for now. I have to figure out how, should I choose to go back, I will manage it. I know that one of the things I will have to figure out is, who really is my family. Who are the ones really in my corner.

Until then, I cannot.